Whales and Wiener Dogs

A. It’s no longer a Secret, and
B. Yes, it’s named after Bob Barker (a million dollar donor to Sea Shepherd…The Price Was Right! (sorry)).

Back in the day, reading Moby Dick was probably the last thing Keith Hernandez would have done with a woman, but according to this long-ish, sort of boring feature on Keith in Newsday, Keith Hernandez would now read Moby Dick with a woman. According to the story:

Hernandez removed the copy of Moby-Dick from his collection and announced one of his offseason plans: Joining Kai in reading the book.

Aloud.

But shoot the seals.

Above clip is from “Nice Dreams,” which I suppose is as good as any of their movies. Honestly, “Up In Smoke” holds up surprisingly well. I just watched it a couple weeks ago.

Hopefully, the slackness re frequency of updates is passed for a bit. I had a wordpress malfunction, then had a baby.

Blogger, tweeter, and comedian Michael Ian Black - who you might remember from Stella or Xtacles - has called for a return to commercial and sport whaling on his blog.

According to MIB:

Whales are the top of the oceanic food chain, just like we’re the top of the land-based food chain. Obviously there’s not enough room on this earth for two predators at the top of the food chain, so even though whales are intelligent, majestic creatures, they have to go.

Therefore I would like to call for a resumption of commercial and sport whaling. Since we’ve already established that they are capable of great intelligence and culture, how long will it be before they develop the tools to start hunting us (emphasis his)? Our current, tenuous situation reminds me of the brief few years after World War II when we had the atomic bomb and the Soviets did not.

He goes on to add, “Let’s eliminate the threat before it eliminates us.”

Modest Mouse - King Rat

Modest Mouse just released an anti-whaling music video that was conceived and directed by Heath Ledger. In it, the tables are turned, and a boat full of whales hunts and harpoons swimming humans, and then they graphically remove the flesh from their bodies.

According to the official Modest Mouse web sheet:

In January of 2007, while visiting his homeland of Australia, Heath Ledger presented Isaac Brock of Modest Mouse with an idea to direct a video for their yet-to-be-released song ‘King Rat’. Heath’s vision, brave and unapologetic in its nature, would marry his love of bold and original music with his impassioned stance against the illegal commercial whale hunts taking place of the coast of Australia each year. Always one to operate from his heart and take a stand for what he cared deeply about, Heath’s intention was to raise awareness on modern whaling practices through a potent visual piece without having to say a word. It was his way to let the story, in its candid reversal, speak for itself.

The film was completed posthumously by a production company that Heath was affiliated with, and iTunes proceeds from the first month will go to the good people at Sea Shepherd.

You know, no matter how many chances I give Modest Mouse, they never quite turn my crank. Them and Radiohead. Yeah, that’s right. I said I don’t like Radiohead. More precisely, I don’t love them. But this Modest Mouse song isn’t terrible, just like the rest of their work. And the video’s a little heavy-handed, but it hates whaling, and that’s all that matters!

Don’t know why those whales aren’t harpooning human beings who are clearly and obviously Japanese, though.

So I got up this morning, and, after nearly having my entire day ruined with a trip to Time Warner to return my cable box (good riddance), I walked downtown to watch “The Cove” at the Angelika. And, you know, I’m sure that even in NYC it’s not easy to just print money by showing independent films, but one does wish they could find a way to do something about those seats. I mean, they hurt you. They are that bad.

I’m pretty sure the last movie I saw there was Mulholland Drive. And I go see a lot of movies. Especially independent movies.

And I don’t think the AC was working too good, either. And then the guy across the aisle from me was eating his popcorn really loudly, and then when he was done he fell asleep and snored. And then when he woke up, he ate his popcorn really loudly again.

So you can see why I rarely leave the house anymore. It’s not me, it’s you.

And I didn’t take notes or anything, so all of this is from memory, and I’m going to try to bang out the gist of what I think I’ve got to say about this film in a single sitting and before I get to the bottom of the glass of the Tasmanian wine I picked up on the walk home.

And since I’ve already written about as much as I’d wanted to write. And since the new Fallout 3 DLC isn’t going to just play itself, here goes…(and I suppose the right thing to do now would be to say SPOILER ALERT)

Each year, it seems, in Taiji, Japan, as many as 23,000 dolphins and pilot whales are herded by fisherman from the open ocean into the town’s coves. A handful of these animals are sold – for up to $150,000 – to animal trainers, zoos, aquariums, and private citizens. But the rest are herded out of sight, into a “secret” cove, where they are slaughtered and processed for food.

The meat attained from these dolphins is filled with poison and toxins, and it’s often given to schools for their lunch programs or introduced into the commercial marketplace incorrectly labeled (sometimes as whale meat).

Louie Psihoyos, director of “The Cove,” would like to put an end to what goes on in Taiji. In the film, he says there are two kinds of people in the world; those who are active, and those who are inactive. He falls into the latter category. He’s an activist, and he aims to end what he’s exposed.

And with that stated objective, there’s really only one criterion by which the film’s success probably ought to be measured, and that is whether or not the film brings about the end of the dolphin slaughter in Taiji, Japan.

Psihoyos and the rest of his filmmaking crew have certainly mustered enough ingenuity and daring to have earned the right to make such ambitious statements. From the moment they arrive in Taiji, they are harassed by local officials, tailed by shadowy figures, and harassed by intimidating fisherman armed with camcorders who try to bait them into a fight (which they can then record and give to the police).

And, honestly, it was some of these encounters that really got my dander up, even more so than the holy grail bloody water footage that comes at the end of the film. There’s this one scene where a couple with the film crew watches as a dolphin that’s escaped the secret cove bleeds out and dies. As the couple tears up, a few locals stand nearby laughing and joking and just generally acting intimidating.

It’s enough to make you want to gut-harpoon somebody.

But I digest…The film crew, however, is more than up to the challenge. They circumvent their shadows. They stake out the cove. They monitor the movements of the men who guard it. Then they sneak in after dark and plant hidden HD cams in fake rocks made by Industrial Light and Magic (no shit). Two of the best free divers in the world plant hidden underwater microphones. They even build and bring some remote-controlled drone aircraft armed with cameras.

And, in the end, they get what they came for; graphic audio and video footage of marine mammals being casually slaughtered as the water in the cove turns entirely bright red with blood.

It is, quite literally, a bloodbath.

But the entire film is not ALL about just showing us how the sausage is made.

There’s quite a bit more to it than that actually:

There’s a connection made between marine mammals in captivity and the dolphin slaughter in Taiji, Japan. (If you ever want to enjoy yourself at Sea World again, don’t go see this movie)

There’s a case made for the intelligence and consciousness of dolphins.

There’s a pretty strong indictment of the International Whaling Commission, and an especially strong indictment of the role that Japan plans within the IWC.

There are some shocking revelations about exactly how toxic the seafood that we eat is.

And there’s even an attempt to try to understand exactly why the hell Japan insists on doing this shit.

Psihoyos, the director, comes across as the kind of guy who’s almost done doing the list of 100 things he wants to do before he dies. And you know that he’s got some really hard stuff on that list, like time travel and seeing Stevie Nicks naked. If they make a movie about him, he’ll be played by George Clooney, if he doesn’t just play himself. You get the feeling that the guy will figure out a way to stop what’s going on in Taiji.

But it’s a guy named Ric O’Barry who’s the heart and soul of the film. Ric was the guy that trained the dolphins for a 60’s TV show called “Flipper,” and he blames himself for the whole dolphins in captivity movement and for the popularity of people watching dolphins do tricks. (To this day, my favorite football team is the Miami Dolphins ONLY because I used to watch “Flipper” when I was a kid). Ric is the guy that turns Psihoyos on to what’s going down in Taiji. And it’s Ric that makes some of the more compelling arguments for a dolphin’s capacity not just for intelligence, but for consciousness, for their ability to know what’s going on and to perceive what’s going to happen.

He tells a story about how his life changed when one of the Flipper dolphins committed suicide in his arms. Yup. Committed suicide. She just stopped breathing and sank to the bottom of the pool. O’Barry seems to have a bit – but not too, too much – of Timothy Treadwell in him, but whatever you make of his story, he was in jail later that day for freeing a dolphin from captivity.

And there’s some stuff about dolphins recognizing themselves in mirrors and saving sexy surfers from tiger sharks, too.

A lot of light is shed on the IWC and the role that Japan plays there. They basically bribe 3rd world countries into joining their voting bloc. Again, sorry for all the spoilers, but there’s a scene where the Japanese delegate to the IWC gives a power point presentation asserting that the reason ocean food stocks are in decline is because THE WHALES AND DOLPHINS ARE EATING ALL OF OUR SEAFOOD.

Look, there are some clear cultural differences evident in the film, but that shit’s like comic book villain evil. It’s really hard to fathom. (And it’s also revealed that local fisherman believe they’re performing a worthy “pest control” service).

And all that meat they harvest is full of toxins, especially mercury. One scientist in the film finds levels of mercury in a piece of dolphin meat to be 2000 TIMES THE RECOMMENDED LEVEL.

Seriously, 2000 times.

Later, the deputy of fisheries submits his hair to a mercury test and finds out he’s got mercury poisoning.

(I actually checked the above two facts against my recollection and other published articles and reviews by “real” publications).

And there’s also the case of a town called Minamata where the Japanese government conspired with a local corporation to cover up the damage done by decades of dumping mercury into the local water supply. (I checked that fact, too).

So…if killing dolphins is unpopular, unprofitable, and unsafe, why do they do it? There doesn’t appear to be a really good answer. Nationalism, pride, and anti-Western sentiment are possibilities for some. Others believe Japan, which more or less dominates the global seafood industry, is embarking on a sort of bizarro-world ecological trip, i.e. we’re running out of fish so people are going to have to get used to eating whales and dolphins. Who knows? Even if you’re willing to accept that people eat meat and fish (i.e., they’re not all vegetarians). And if you’re willing to put aside concerns that marine mammals are highly intelligent and social creatures. And even if you’re willing to accept that the populations of some marine mammals are big enough to sustain harvesting – they’re still poisonous to eat! And almost nobody wants to eat them!

So, after the film I’m walking home and I’m trying figure out whether or not this film is going to get dolphin killing in Taiji, Japan 86’d.

I don’t know.

I sort of don’t think so.

Does anyone know about this film? Does anybody want to see it? It looks like it ran on four screens for about 5000 people it’s opening weekend. There were only about ten people there today when I watched it, and one of those people slept thru most of it. (But, yes, I do concede that most people don’t go to the movies on Monday mornings).

The filmmakers threw bones to Hayden Panettiere and Paul Watson and a few other activists and celebrities. I’m sure they’re doing their part. I’m sure Whale Wars doesn’t hurt.

But does anybody know about this film? Does anybody want to see it?

I mean, even if they never effected a change in policy, why and how did the films of Michael Moore transcend the HBO “America Undercover” genre and enter the collective pop culture consciousness? Creativity, execution, promotion and self-promotion…those are maybe some reasons. But maybe big business, health care, the psychological health of American children, and the war in Iraq are woven into the fabric of our culture. They can’t be ignored. They have to be addressed almost every day in some capacity or other.

I guess I just don’t know if poisonous Japanese dolphin meat and seeing how the sausage is made, specifically or in general, is that high on the list of things people want to subject themselves to right now.

But I could be wrong. I hope that I am. I’d like millions of people to see this movie. I’d like to see Psihoyos shut that place down. But I don’t know. I kind of get the sense that if there was an uproar to be heard, the momentum for it would be there already. The “what can I do?” section of the film’s web site sends you over to TakePart.com where they tell you to write letters, learn more about dolphins in captivity, choose the safest fish to eat, and write a check. The movie’s already made. And I’ve already seen it. I’m convinced it should stop. Write a check for what?

Okay, maybe helping them (financially) get the word out in Japan might actually help. That seems to be the key to me. Yes, ocean ecology issues are obviously global, but I think the litmus test will be whether or not the particular issues of this film are woven into the fabric of Japanese society in such a way that they can’t be ignored and that they can’t go unaddressed; issues like their health, the corruption of their government, their perception abroad, etc.

Or maybe the film is just part of a much larger plan. Psihoyos is one of the founders of the Oceanic Preservation Society.

And/or maybe this thing is going to take off like wildfire. Maybe around Oscar season.

I guess we’ll see…but do yourself a favor and go check it out.

This video has a wiener dog AND Norm MacDonald, so it’s hard to imagine why it’s only gotten about 2200 views on youtube.

How did this show ever get canceled?.

Australian Olympian Leisel Jones has launched a new cartoon that urges kids to help stop the killing of whales.

The cartoon, which premiered on Australian TV earlier this week, follows the adventure of Flapjack the Sailor who befriends Bubbie The Blue Whale.

Check out this video. The Assuies really don’t like whaling very much. It’s a feature piece on a kids cartoon that shows graphic images of whale hunting and butchering. Jones gives some good interview in the video, and there are also a few bites from Skye Bortoli, founder of Teens Against Whaling.

And let’s none of us forget that Leisel Jones has one of the greatest tramp stamps of all times.

And if anyone knows what the hell “spruiks” means - or how you say it - please let me know.

You might know Kristin Bauer as Pam on True Blood. Or you might remember her as “man hands” on Seinfeld. But now you can know her as someone who hates whaling!

Kristin is currently working on behalf of the IFAW’s Tails For Whales campaign.

The Tails for Whales campaign involves you going to this web sheet and uploading a picture of yourself making a whale tail with your hands. IFAW will use your image (maybe) in petition and images spots for the organization. And I think there’s about a widget for your facebook too…Honesty, they could use a better web sheet, imo.

Here’s a picture of Kristin Bauer doing this correctly:

And here’s an example of someone doing it wrong, wrong…wrong.

And here’s another picture of Kristin Bauer

Hayden Panettiere is in Australia to promote the “Save The Whales Again” campaign. She’s trying to get a million signatures on a virtual petition against commercial whaling. It looks like she’s got about 130k so far. Yesterday she was on the Sunrise Morning Show in Australia. And today she fed some sharks at Sea World to generate some publicity for her anti-whaling efforts:

According to Hayden:

“This is the easiest way for people to make a big difference in our fight against commercial whaling and the Japanese dolphin drive hunts. All we need people to do is go to http://www.socialvibe.com and sign the petition. Please help us reach our goal of 1 million people and help us stop this cruel and needless slaughter.”

She plans to present the 1 million signatures to the International Whaling Commission when they meet in Portugal this June.