Whales and Wiener Dogs

The dead 33 ft. minke whale that washed up on a south Wales beach recently will be rendered into something called bone meal, which apparently can be used to fuel power stations.

I had no idea.

Man, take my advice and do not ever enter “midget holding a wiener dog” (or similar variations) into google image search with the safe search set to “off.”

Here’s why: midget porn.

And after you see midget porn, you just give up, and you start asking yourself existential questions like, “Why? Why? Why!”

And sometimes you ask yourself “How?”

Anyways, I found this article about how the discovery of a genetic mutation in short-legged dogs might be able to help researchers better understand human dwarfism, but I just can’t continue.

I’ll paypal ten bucks to the first person to send me a non-photoshopped picture of a little person and a wiener dog.

Until then, I’ll leave you with this.

I think I fall into the first category.

According to a web sheet called TheDirty.com, the below pic is from “he VEGAS BBW fest, where a bunch of fat women and the men (PURPLE GREGS) who worship them go to hook up…”

Purple Gregs? Is that a real thing…I will not google it.

Once again, available art compels me to break my own rule about not posting on dead beached whale. I mean, seriously, look at the size of the tongue on this finback whale that washed up dead in Provincetown earlier in the week. Local officials say the swelling is due to decomposition gasses.

And apparently this has happened at least once before, see below photo from Alaska in 2007.

Whales are being eaten alive by seagulls off the coast of Argentina. Scientists there have documented gulls landing on the backs of surfaced whales and eating into their blubber - something the researchers believe hasn’t been seen anywhere else in the world. The problem is so bad, researchers are considering shooting the birds.

Most of the attacked whales are mothers and their calves. The gull attacks are leaving large open sores on the whales’ skin, and they are being blamed for higher death rates and thinner calves.

Pendelton, Oregon’s downtown wiener dog races turned ugly when a man with a shaved head and wearing all black head-butted a wiener dog judge while uttering something about “stinkin’ Jews.”

Police are looking for the man, but so far they have not found the suspect.

William Gilmore, pictured above, is suspected to have shot and wounded a mother at a Texas park earlier this week. It’s reported that Gilmore has turned over 3 hours of bizarre cassette recordings in which he alludes to disdain for government and other crimes that he may have committed. It’s also reported that he reads a paperback copy of “Moby Dick” in his cell.

Somebody somewhere had a hot dog haiku contest recently. The winner managed to deftly combined hot dogs and wiener dogs, literally…see video above. As far as I can tell, the haiku goes as follows

One wiener with fur
One wiener with chili cloak(?)
The two become one

I’m pretty sure the last time I saw a stormtrooper riding a wiener dog was during the Body Count set at the first Lollapalooza.

Until the above image was taken at the Phoenix (AZ) Grayhound Park Wiener Dog Races on May 24th, 2009, it was a widely held belief in the scientific community that all four wiener dog feet never leave the ground while running.

This brings to two the number of animals known to remove all four feet from the ground while running. In 1877, Eadweard Muybridge proved horses are also capable this feat (see photo below). Three years earlier, Muybridge shot a man to death for banging his wife - and the jury let him off, calling it “justifiable homicide.” I would have called it “justified homicide” because it rhymes. Ah, the good ol’ days. We’ve come so far.